Not my typical post on vino…but it’s what’s on my heart today…
I never knew what her favorite wine was. At 14 when I had to say goodbye, I still thought wine was yucky.
I would give anything to share a glass of wine with my mother today. I’d love to visit nearby wineries with her and laugh while we drink pinot noir. I’d like to cuddle up on the couch and sip chardonnay as we giggle at contestants on ‘The Bachelor’. More than anything, I just wish I had one more hour with her. But unfortunately that’s not a reality as 14 years ago today I had to say goodbye.
September 19th is a day I always dread. I contemplated clearing my schedule for the day so that I could sit on the couch, in sweats, and cry. But I know without a doubt that that’s not what mom would have wanted. She wants me to enjoy and make the most of every day. She wants me to praise God for the good in my life rather than sulk about what isn’t going perfectly. Most of all, I know she would want me to live the happiest life possible, always being joyful.
So rather than post up on the couch today I decided to join some sorority sisters and help them with their recruitment weekend. I remember when I was still in college one of the days of recruitment fell on September 19th. I’ll never forget the feeling of being surrounded by strong women and knowing that, with them, I would get through that tough day. My mom always put everyone else before herself and served others in any way that she could. I felt connected to her today knowing that I was able to help others, even though it was the small task of serving lemonade to potential new sisters. (So thank you Allison and Ashley for getting me out of the house!).
I came home from helping the Gamma Phi’s and saw that Jared had left me some flowers, as he has done for the last three years on this date. Mom would have absolutely loved him. Saddens me to know that he didn’t get the chance to meet such an incredible woman but I know they would have gotten along so well.
For those of you reading this that do not know the story, my mom lost her life due to being hit by a drunk driver. One person’s bad decision forever altered the lives of many. She did not pass instantly, it was a slow, years-long weakening of internal complications resulting from the accident. I spent much of my young life visiting her in the hospital and watching her be sick. But I try not to think of these times and the anger I have for the person that caused this pain. I try to focus on the time I had with her and the amazing life lessons she taught me. I’m thankful that I had a mom who taught me to (try to) see the best in people, a mom that showed me to put others before myself (I’m still working on this one!), and a mom that loved unconditionally and had patience in all situations. If there was ever someone who deserved to complain it was her, yet I never once heard anything but gratitude leave her mouth.
I don’t think that there is much comparable to the pain of losing a close loved one, especially one that is supposed to play such a pivotal role in a girl’s life. The day to day has definitely gotten easier. A big part of that is because God has put amazing women in my life that love me so much. But there will always be a piece of my heart missing. Usually around this date every year I go through my memory box of letters mom wrote me, pictures of us together, and some of her favorite Bible passages. This year one in particular verse stood out to me. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus”. Mom was always grateful and always put on a smile, even through the pain. She always praised God for the life that she had, though no one would have blamed her for being angry at her situation. I strive to be more like my mom and this verse was a good reminder of how to live life.
Although she is no longer physically on this earth I know that her spirit lives on within me. And I can’t wait until the day we are reunited in Heaven. We will share a bottle of whatever her favorite wine was and be joyful for all God has done for us.